After Susan took Abi and left for Halifax, the two of them remained in my heart and prayers. I longed to see Abi and how she'd grown and changed, but even though Susan kept me on her social network online and I was able to see a few pictures, I still felt so disconnected. At least Susan hadn't completely eliminated me from contact, for that I was grateful.In April 2007, I noticed a difference in my body. My appetite had grown, I had gained a few pounds, my cycle had gone longer than normal, and I was feeling a little under the weather. I didn't want to get my hopes up in case my mind was playing tricks on me again.
Before I could find out for sure if I was pregnant, I went to a women's retreat to Lake Louise for the weekend, expecting to see my hopes dashed out that Sunday morning. The weekend went slowly and all I could think of while attending services, exploring trails with the other ladies, and laying awake in bed was whether there was a child growing secretly in my belly.
When I had finally returned home, I bought a double home pregnancy test kit and took the first test in secret the next morning, as my body had left me in suspense. I planned to save the second test for when Rhys got home that night so I could prepare myself for the results with the first test, expecting to see yet another negative.
Leaving the stick on the bathroom counter for the recommended 30 seconds, I tried my best not to stair at it, wishing for a clear +. I averted my attention to my complexion in the mirror, took note of the look on my face and changed the expression to that of a more natural, gentle smile as opposed to the grim, scared look of worry. Pleased with the appearance, I took a glance down at the now fully developed test. The vertical line was very clear, it was only after I lifted the tiny instrument and examined it more closely that the results were entirely visible. A very faint horizontal line appeared within the same window as the bold vertical line. Surprize, shock, and delight hit me all at once. I doubted the test briefly, wondering if the test might be defective and show a false positive. My excitement peaked when Rhys arrived home for lunch that afternoon and demanded that I take the test right away. Unknowing that I had tested once before, he waited as patiently as he could. The second test revealed yet another faint horizontal line along with a very strong vertical line. Rhys was puzzled.
It pleased me greatly to share the news with him allowed, "We're pregnant!"
Again, I saw that unforgettable smile on his face. At that moment, God's miracles became reality in our lives.
It was a special time for us to find out we were pregnant, having lost my Grandpa Elmer the month before, 3 months after Rhys and I reunited, nearly 3 years since we'd been married, and in the year of 2007 (7 being one of God's favorite numbers to use when describing holy things). It gave us an even greater appreciation for parenthood and probably an even greater joy than most parents at the first news of their first fruits. I was told I couldn't have kids, but here I was: pregnant!
God had kept us from having children up to this point for a reason. We still didn't fully understand why, but we knew then that there was a purpose... that there IS a purpose in EVERYTHING that God does.
Now the LORD was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did for Sarah what he had promised. Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him. Abraham gave the name Isaac to the son Sarah bore him. - Gen. 21:1-3
Sarah said, “God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me.” And she added, “Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children? Yet I have borne him a son in his old age.” - Gen. 21:6-7
Tuesday 21 February 2012
The Lost
After Rhys and I had returned home from my first escape, but before The Change, I met Susan. She was friends through work with a friend of mine from college. They met while working at a day care and I remember meeting her for the first time at my friend's house for a sleep over/girl's night kind of thing. She had a daughter close to a year old with big brown eyes and an adventurous spirit, Abigail. At the time, Sue was living with a guy who in my opinion was a really rough and hard to get to know kind of guy. At first, Sue and I didn't hang out much, but we'd gotten to know each other through work as I started working at the day care as well. Things between Sue and her boyfriend were getting a little scary when his friend moved in with them and the two men would go out drinking a lot. Sue was scared for herself and Abi's safety as her boyfriend's friend would get a bit violent so one night, my friend and I decided to stay the night with Sue to keep her company and support... and be on hand to get her and Abi out of there or call the RCMP if needed. That night was long, but thankfully, there was no violent confrontation and no one was harmed. Shortly after that, Sue and her boyfriend broke up and she started work elsewhere and I lost contact with her.
A few months later, after The Change, word reached me that Susan and Abigail were homeless. Sue was staying in a shelter while Abi was in foster care. When I contacted Susan and invited her and Abigail over for dinner, I found out that Abi had been in the hospital for dehydration and other problems. I believe this was sometime in February 2007. After being out of contact for so long and learning of this devastating news, Rhys and I decided to offer Sue and Abi our spare room and a place to live until Susan could support herself and Abi. Sue accepted. Her first night with us, I shared about The Change and explained that I would have been dead had it not been for God in my life. Hearing this, Susan seemed eager to have what I do and asked Christ to be her Lord and Savior that night.
During her stay with us, Susan told me about a pregnancy she had lost while Abi was in the hospital and the father whom she had just found out was happily married with children. We tried our best to support her as she wrote an apology letter to the man's wife and broke the relationship off, releasing him to the destruction he set before himself. It was no doubt a trying time for Susan and Abigail.
I took care of Abigail during the day and acted as chauffeur for Susan as she went to job interviews and started to work. It had been almost 3 years since Rhys and I got married and started waiting for a child from God, but there was nothing... only tears and painful cramps at the end of every cycle. But caring for Abi and helping her mother held the pain of my infertility at bay for a short time and I felt happy whether I had children or not. Abigail was sweet, enjoyed music, playing, coloring, and I enjoyed watching her descover. Susan worked early hours and was able to come home in the afteroon. We had a few house rules for Susan before she agreed to move in, but she didn't respect them during her stay. The first rule was that we expected her home before midnight so we could lock the door. Another rule was that she refrain from being alone with any men in our house. We had also requested that she pay a small rent fee, because our landlord expected the rent to go up if we housed another person in our apartment. In my mind, they were low expectations that were easy to accomplish. In Susan's mind they were not.
I began to realize that Susan would watch as Abi made messes, ignored her needs, and rarely picked her up to cuddle her when she was around Abi. She just didn't seem attached to Abi at all. I also noticed that Abi wouldn't cry seeing her mother leave or get excited to see her return. Abi wasn't connected to her mother.
Susan would meet up with "friends" after work and stay out all night, using our "curfew" as an excuse to stay the night with someone. There were a few times I wasn't even sure if she was coming back. I didn't hear from her for a few days and I was left caring for her daughter.
I loved taking care of Abigail, day and night. She warmed my heart and made me feel needed, which was huge for me at that time as I was looking for purpose in my life. She made sense to me and so my attachment to her began.
Over the course of a few days, Susan got restless and irritated with our rules. She and I did not see eye to eye anymore and Rhys and I were left with no other choice than to tell her to leave and move on. It broke my heart that I lost a friend. I had never expereinced a relationship like this before. No one had ever been so negative towards me before. Lossing contact with Abigail was painful as well. I felt as though I had lost my child in a custody battle and I was doomed to never see her again.
A few months later, after The Change, word reached me that Susan and Abigail were homeless. Sue was staying in a shelter while Abi was in foster care. When I contacted Susan and invited her and Abigail over for dinner, I found out that Abi had been in the hospital for dehydration and other problems. I believe this was sometime in February 2007. After being out of contact for so long and learning of this devastating news, Rhys and I decided to offer Sue and Abi our spare room and a place to live until Susan could support herself and Abi. Sue accepted. Her first night with us, I shared about The Change and explained that I would have been dead had it not been for God in my life. Hearing this, Susan seemed eager to have what I do and asked Christ to be her Lord and Savior that night.
During her stay with us, Susan told me about a pregnancy she had lost while Abi was in the hospital and the father whom she had just found out was happily married with children. We tried our best to support her as she wrote an apology letter to the man's wife and broke the relationship off, releasing him to the destruction he set before himself. It was no doubt a trying time for Susan and Abigail.
I took care of Abigail during the day and acted as chauffeur for Susan as she went to job interviews and started to work. It had been almost 3 years since Rhys and I got married and started waiting for a child from God, but there was nothing... only tears and painful cramps at the end of every cycle. But caring for Abi and helping her mother held the pain of my infertility at bay for a short time and I felt happy whether I had children or not. Abigail was sweet, enjoyed music, playing, coloring, and I enjoyed watching her descover. Susan worked early hours and was able to come home in the afteroon. We had a few house rules for Susan before she agreed to move in, but she didn't respect them during her stay. The first rule was that we expected her home before midnight so we could lock the door. Another rule was that she refrain from being alone with any men in our house. We had also requested that she pay a small rent fee, because our landlord expected the rent to go up if we housed another person in our apartment. In my mind, they were low expectations that were easy to accomplish. In Susan's mind they were not.
I began to realize that Susan would watch as Abi made messes, ignored her needs, and rarely picked her up to cuddle her when she was around Abi. She just didn't seem attached to Abi at all. I also noticed that Abi wouldn't cry seeing her mother leave or get excited to see her return. Abi wasn't connected to her mother.
Susan would meet up with "friends" after work and stay out all night, using our "curfew" as an excuse to stay the night with someone. There were a few times I wasn't even sure if she was coming back. I didn't hear from her for a few days and I was left caring for her daughter.
I loved taking care of Abigail, day and night. She warmed my heart and made me feel needed, which was huge for me at that time as I was looking for purpose in my life. She made sense to me and so my attachment to her began.
Over the course of a few days, Susan got restless and irritated with our rules. She and I did not see eye to eye anymore and Rhys and I were left with no other choice than to tell her to leave and move on. It broke my heart that I lost a friend. I had never expereinced a relationship like this before. No one had ever been so negative towards me before. Lossing contact with Abigail was painful as well. I felt as though I had lost my child in a custody battle and I was doomed to never see her again.
Tuesday 7 February 2012
Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her. - Genesis 28:20
The first year of our marriage was full of ups and downs, more downs than ups for me. Rhys was unaware of the secrets I held in my heart, but he knew I wanted children and that I missed familiar faces. A few months before our fist anniversary, we moved to Grande Prairie to be closer to friends of ours so I might feel more comfortable and miss ``home`` less. It definately wasn`t home to me so I had left expecting never to return to Rhys or Canada for that matter.
I returned to my childhood home in Alaska, but much had changed in the three years since I left for college in Canada. My sister and brother were different people, my parents had seemed to grow distant from eachother., my friends and even the church family I grew up with had changed and evolved so much I no longer felt I truly knew any of them. Upon my arrival I had an uneasy feeling that I simply no longer belonged there. Rhys most definately had the same feeling as he took time off work, drove the three or four thousand miles alone, and personally, face to face, pleaded to save our marriage.
I was reluctant at first, but after he had discovered the hiddne affair I started before leaving Canada, I felt obligated to come clean and start fresh. We reconsiled and returned home, more awkward than before, Rhys unable to trust and me unwilling to accept him as the man God meant for me.
Our third Christmas was upon us and I was secretly planning another escape while we waited on the results of our fertility tests. Rhys had passed his test, but mine was announced to be `unexplainable infertility`. The news sent me reeling. I don`t believe I had ever been so angry with God in all my life. I dreampt about giving birth at the young age of nine years old. I believed it was my purpose in life. To be a mother was all I ever wanted and God had denied me the ability, the privilage of bearing my own children.
With that knowledge, it was easier to carry out my plans to leave Rhys once and for all and start a new life with someone that knew nothing of my past and dirty secrets.
I had written a letter, packed my things, and began my treck south to become the bride of a soldier in the US army, who was preparing to deploy to Germany and take me with him to live on base. He was sweet and protective and knew that Rhys wasn`t the husband I wanted. He proffessed his love for me and that he would treat me better and love me with more passion than Rhys ever could. In my weakest moment, I clung to this hope of romance, excited to become a new person.
Along my way, I made an over night stop in Edmonton and began to make myself comfortable in the room of the cheapest motel I could find. Earlier, I recieved a text message from a friend I respected and looked upto, much like an older brother. To protect his identity, I will name him Adam for the sake of this story. Adam expressed his hope to at least say good bye before I moved on with my life forever. I couldn`t refuse. He had been a great friend to this point and I saw no harm in allowing myself this final moment of companionship with someone from what I expected to be part of my `soon to be put behind me` past. The drive from Grande Prairie to Edmonton isn`t a short or pleasant one at any time of day, let-alone at night when the sun and its cheeriness has sunk below the skyline.
Adam drove this dreary road for hours before finally reaching my room late that night. He brought with him the promises God had for me since the beginning of time and a determination to restore me to my Father`s embrace.
Undaunted by what Adam shared or the thought of what Rhys might be going through, my plans didn`t change. I took a call from the soldier on his way to sweep me off my feet. After telling him about the dear friend who stopped in to say good bye and visit with me for one last time, the soldier became extremely jealous and angry that I would allow another man into my room. Belittled, I pleaded and wept, hoping this man would have mercy on me for the sacrifices I was making inorder to give myself to him. He continued to spew hurtful words, told me he was getting back on the road to meet me and that it wouldn`t be long and he`d be there by morning. After a uncarrying `I love you`, we said good bye and I returned to my room where Adam sat confused and filled with compassion.
``Cassie, that was not you.`` He said. I began to understand that I was being manipulated and if this man and I were to physically meet, I honestly couldn`t predict if he would rape and murder me or not.
The night wore on and I grew tired. Taking the queen size bed for myself, Adam respectfully took the small loveseat for his bed and we slept, me more than him as his heart was burdened with concern for me.
The next morning, I awoke and turned to Adam who said, "I still have a bad feeling." This I tried to ignore and continued to go about my plans. Adam offered to take me to breakfast at a nearby resturant, willingly, I accepted, considering I had spent my last few dollars getting to the motel. I couldn`t eat, even with the hunger in my belling causing voicturous groans.
Adam would not let his concern for me go unvoiced and continued to try to convince me the path I was on would only end in pain and death. He reminded me of my choice to follow Christ and the claim to the inheritence meant only for royalty in the spiritual realms. He told me to just let go of my plans and come back to Grande Prairie, whether to go back to Rhys or not. I only wept in reply, feeling the tug on my heart to do what God was asking of me, but to stubborn to give up my dream life. I continued to cry even as we left the resturaunt and got back into Adam's truck.
We drove until we came to a stop light where Adam again instructed me to let go of my desire and do what was right, but I began to sob even more. Repeatedly, he pleaded with me to change my heart and the tears continued to pour. I wept uncontrollably, my shoulders heaving as I gasped for air between bellows. To this day, I have never cried harder than at that moment. I felt a fight within me, the roar of my selfish desires desperately trying to distract me from the gentle call to aim myself down the path of righteousness.
Adam found a parking lot and pulled over, giving me his full attention, still pleading. I refused to change my will, I would cling to this plan of mine until there was nothing left of me. Finally, Adam begins to pray allowed, pleading that God would reach through to me. He asked once again that I change my mind.
I replied with, ``I can`t!``
His response was, ``Pray for the will to then.``
Silently, mentally I cast up a simple prayer asking God to give me the will to change. Instantly, the tears stopped. My breathing regulated. My heart no longer pounded. I was quite. As if a light has been switched off, my sobbing had stopped. I remember sensing a peace stronger than any peace I could imagine at that moment. My mind was clear and I knew what I needed to do.
Looking at Adam, I told him I was ready. He began to lead me through the prayer that changed my life and opened my eyes, breaking the bonds that held be at bay for so long. I asked God for forgiveness, recommitted my life to Christ, and never turned back.
From that point on, I have been on a new journey, a path to discovering who I truly am and the true purpose God has for my life. I wasn`t conserned with Rhys or the soldier. I felt I was a new person and needed the chance to find myself before reconnecting to anyone, even my husband. It was as if I were the daughter of a king, betrothed to a man all my life, but waiting for the day of our union.
A young woman, not much older than myself, offered a place for me to stay and recoop when I arrived back in Grande Prairie. She lived in a basement suit with a small bed and devider to provide me my own space. While there, I learned the importance of one on oone time with my Lord and Savior and how much of a relationship it really is. Before ``The Change`` I felt like a goldfish and God fed me to keep me happy, but stirred my water when I wasn`t pleasing Him. Leonna was so in love with Christ and had a deeper relationship with God than most christians I had met. She would talk openly to Him throughout the day, no matter where she was. Her apartment was her cackoon and she was a beautiful butterfuly being prepared to be released into her destiny.
There was one day when Leonna and i returned home, with Adam over for a visit. We decided to have a prayer time when we felt the need to pray for eachother. Leonna had a pain in her side, having as sense it was more than her own pain, she asked if my stomach ached as well. I was taken aback, unsure what to think, but my stomach had ached much of my adult life to that point (a dull pain, but nothing disruptive for me). I never thought much of it until afterwords. Leonna placed a hand on the right side of my lower abdomine where I indicated the pain was and she began to pray over me. I don`t know how long we prayed, but we ended up on our knees in worship by the end. I wouldn`t realize the difference in my body for some months, but there was a difference... I`ll refer back to this shortly.
In February 2007, I woke up on the first Sunday of the month with the notion that it was finally the day I would reunite with my husband. Up until that day, Rhys and I had been casually dating and he was not sure when we would be together again as man and wife. That morning, I shared my news with Leonna and her happiness for me overflowed through tears of joy and embraces, giggles, and joyful thought sof our reunion. We packed my belongings and set them at the door of our apartment. I dressed myself in the best outfit I had, fixed my hair, put a little make up on and prepared myself for the special occassion almost as if it were my wedding day all over again.
Church ended and we invited Rhys to the apartment for lunch where he was greeted by my luggage. The smile he gave me then has stuck with me ever since, it was more joy I had seen than even the day we had wed a few short years before.
Returning home with my husband that day was so much better than that of our honeymoon. My heart was over joyed and filled with love and happiness for my husband and our new life together as man and wife centered on the Rock, Jesus Christ.
I returned to my childhood home in Alaska, but much had changed in the three years since I left for college in Canada. My sister and brother were different people, my parents had seemed to grow distant from eachother., my friends and even the church family I grew up with had changed and evolved so much I no longer felt I truly knew any of them. Upon my arrival I had an uneasy feeling that I simply no longer belonged there. Rhys most definately had the same feeling as he took time off work, drove the three or four thousand miles alone, and personally, face to face, pleaded to save our marriage.
I was reluctant at first, but after he had discovered the hiddne affair I started before leaving Canada, I felt obligated to come clean and start fresh. We reconsiled and returned home, more awkward than before, Rhys unable to trust and me unwilling to accept him as the man God meant for me.
Our third Christmas was upon us and I was secretly planning another escape while we waited on the results of our fertility tests. Rhys had passed his test, but mine was announced to be `unexplainable infertility`. The news sent me reeling. I don`t believe I had ever been so angry with God in all my life. I dreampt about giving birth at the young age of nine years old. I believed it was my purpose in life. To be a mother was all I ever wanted and God had denied me the ability, the privilage of bearing my own children.
With that knowledge, it was easier to carry out my plans to leave Rhys once and for all and start a new life with someone that knew nothing of my past and dirty secrets.
I had written a letter, packed my things, and began my treck south to become the bride of a soldier in the US army, who was preparing to deploy to Germany and take me with him to live on base. He was sweet and protective and knew that Rhys wasn`t the husband I wanted. He proffessed his love for me and that he would treat me better and love me with more passion than Rhys ever could. In my weakest moment, I clung to this hope of romance, excited to become a new person.
Along my way, I made an over night stop in Edmonton and began to make myself comfortable in the room of the cheapest motel I could find. Earlier, I recieved a text message from a friend I respected and looked upto, much like an older brother. To protect his identity, I will name him Adam for the sake of this story. Adam expressed his hope to at least say good bye before I moved on with my life forever. I couldn`t refuse. He had been a great friend to this point and I saw no harm in allowing myself this final moment of companionship with someone from what I expected to be part of my `soon to be put behind me` past. The drive from Grande Prairie to Edmonton isn`t a short or pleasant one at any time of day, let-alone at night when the sun and its cheeriness has sunk below the skyline.
Adam drove this dreary road for hours before finally reaching my room late that night. He brought with him the promises God had for me since the beginning of time and a determination to restore me to my Father`s embrace.
Undaunted by what Adam shared or the thought of what Rhys might be going through, my plans didn`t change. I took a call from the soldier on his way to sweep me off my feet. After telling him about the dear friend who stopped in to say good bye and visit with me for one last time, the soldier became extremely jealous and angry that I would allow another man into my room. Belittled, I pleaded and wept, hoping this man would have mercy on me for the sacrifices I was making inorder to give myself to him. He continued to spew hurtful words, told me he was getting back on the road to meet me and that it wouldn`t be long and he`d be there by morning. After a uncarrying `I love you`, we said good bye and I returned to my room where Adam sat confused and filled with compassion.
``Cassie, that was not you.`` He said. I began to understand that I was being manipulated and if this man and I were to physically meet, I honestly couldn`t predict if he would rape and murder me or not.
The night wore on and I grew tired. Taking the queen size bed for myself, Adam respectfully took the small loveseat for his bed and we slept, me more than him as his heart was burdened with concern for me.
The next morning, I awoke and turned to Adam who said, "I still have a bad feeling." This I tried to ignore and continued to go about my plans. Adam offered to take me to breakfast at a nearby resturant, willingly, I accepted, considering I had spent my last few dollars getting to the motel. I couldn`t eat, even with the hunger in my belling causing voicturous groans.
Adam would not let his concern for me go unvoiced and continued to try to convince me the path I was on would only end in pain and death. He reminded me of my choice to follow Christ and the claim to the inheritence meant only for royalty in the spiritual realms. He told me to just let go of my plans and come back to Grande Prairie, whether to go back to Rhys or not. I only wept in reply, feeling the tug on my heart to do what God was asking of me, but to stubborn to give up my dream life. I continued to cry even as we left the resturaunt and got back into Adam's truck.
We drove until we came to a stop light where Adam again instructed me to let go of my desire and do what was right, but I began to sob even more. Repeatedly, he pleaded with me to change my heart and the tears continued to pour. I wept uncontrollably, my shoulders heaving as I gasped for air between bellows. To this day, I have never cried harder than at that moment. I felt a fight within me, the roar of my selfish desires desperately trying to distract me from the gentle call to aim myself down the path of righteousness.
Adam found a parking lot and pulled over, giving me his full attention, still pleading. I refused to change my will, I would cling to this plan of mine until there was nothing left of me. Finally, Adam begins to pray allowed, pleading that God would reach through to me. He asked once again that I change my mind.
I replied with, ``I can`t!``
His response was, ``Pray for the will to then.``
Silently, mentally I cast up a simple prayer asking God to give me the will to change. Instantly, the tears stopped. My breathing regulated. My heart no longer pounded. I was quite. As if a light has been switched off, my sobbing had stopped. I remember sensing a peace stronger than any peace I could imagine at that moment. My mind was clear and I knew what I needed to do.
Looking at Adam, I told him I was ready. He began to lead me through the prayer that changed my life and opened my eyes, breaking the bonds that held be at bay for so long. I asked God for forgiveness, recommitted my life to Christ, and never turned back.
From that point on, I have been on a new journey, a path to discovering who I truly am and the true purpose God has for my life. I wasn`t conserned with Rhys or the soldier. I felt I was a new person and needed the chance to find myself before reconnecting to anyone, even my husband. It was as if I were the daughter of a king, betrothed to a man all my life, but waiting for the day of our union.
A young woman, not much older than myself, offered a place for me to stay and recoop when I arrived back in Grande Prairie. She lived in a basement suit with a small bed and devider to provide me my own space. While there, I learned the importance of one on oone time with my Lord and Savior and how much of a relationship it really is. Before ``The Change`` I felt like a goldfish and God fed me to keep me happy, but stirred my water when I wasn`t pleasing Him. Leonna was so in love with Christ and had a deeper relationship with God than most christians I had met. She would talk openly to Him throughout the day, no matter where she was. Her apartment was her cackoon and she was a beautiful butterfuly being prepared to be released into her destiny.
There was one day when Leonna and i returned home, with Adam over for a visit. We decided to have a prayer time when we felt the need to pray for eachother. Leonna had a pain in her side, having as sense it was more than her own pain, she asked if my stomach ached as well. I was taken aback, unsure what to think, but my stomach had ached much of my adult life to that point (a dull pain, but nothing disruptive for me). I never thought much of it until afterwords. Leonna placed a hand on the right side of my lower abdomine where I indicated the pain was and she began to pray over me. I don`t know how long we prayed, but we ended up on our knees in worship by the end. I wouldn`t realize the difference in my body for some months, but there was a difference... I`ll refer back to this shortly.
In February 2007, I woke up on the first Sunday of the month with the notion that it was finally the day I would reunite with my husband. Up until that day, Rhys and I had been casually dating and he was not sure when we would be together again as man and wife. That morning, I shared my news with Leonna and her happiness for me overflowed through tears of joy and embraces, giggles, and joyful thought sof our reunion. We packed my belongings and set them at the door of our apartment. I dressed myself in the best outfit I had, fixed my hair, put a little make up on and prepared myself for the special occassion almost as if it were my wedding day all over again.
Church ended and we invited Rhys to the apartment for lunch where he was greeted by my luggage. The smile he gave me then has stuck with me ever since, it was more joy I had seen than even the day we had wed a few short years before.
Returning home with my husband that day was so much better than that of our honeymoon. My heart was over joyed and filled with love and happiness for my husband and our new life together as man and wife centered on the Rock, Jesus Christ.
July 10, 2004
The day was sunny and cheerful. I had watched as the last bride`s maid left for the church than I sat waiting with my mother for the car that would take us to my destiny. She held my hands as I looked into her eyes and she told me how proud she was of what I was doing with my life, even though it was leadning me thousands of miles from home. She wxplained how she had thought I was trying to distance myself from her, but after seeing me at peace and in love, she was satisfied that my heart was in the right place. My mother then blessed me and prayed over our day and my very near marriage.
We left for the church with a stronger love and understanding for eachother than we had ever experienced as I was growing up. It was the first time I truly felt like a woman.
At the church, I stood behind the curtain with my step-father, watching as the bride`s mades stepped through one by one until they were all out of site. He clasped my hand, gave me the most unforgetable smile I have ever seen on his face, and guided my steps past the curtain.
At that moment, I knew my life was about to change drastically and I would have my own family to account for. Looking up and only seeing him, my betrothed, my love my heart leaped with joy. This is the man I had dreampt about as a young girl, planning my life out in day dreams. This is the man I would pledge my love, respect, and faithfulness to. This is the man that would love me to the ends of the earth, no matter what my come between us.
I didn`t fully understand at that time, the full meaning of the covinent Rhys and I made that day, but a little over three years later, God would open my eyes to the true blessing He placed before me.
We left for the church with a stronger love and understanding for eachother than we had ever experienced as I was growing up. It was the first time I truly felt like a woman.
At the church, I stood behind the curtain with my step-father, watching as the bride`s mades stepped through one by one until they were all out of site. He clasped my hand, gave me the most unforgetable smile I have ever seen on his face, and guided my steps past the curtain.
At that moment, I knew my life was about to change drastically and I would have my own family to account for. Looking up and only seeing him, my betrothed, my love my heart leaped with joy. This is the man I had dreampt about as a young girl, planning my life out in day dreams. This is the man I would pledge my love, respect, and faithfulness to. This is the man that would love me to the ends of the earth, no matter what my come between us.
I didn`t fully understand at that time, the full meaning of the covinent Rhys and I made that day, but a little over three years later, God would open my eyes to the true blessing He placed before me.
It will come about after this that I will pour out My Spirit on all mankind; And your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. - Joel 2:28
The room was reaching temperatures rivaling that of the hottest summer day I had ever experienced. Having just secured my own family`s safety, I returned to find my friend was nowhere to be found, but her infant daughter remained in her crib, oblivious to the peril surrounding her. I scooped her up, along with as many of her belongings I could carry and we escaped with only a moment to spare before the building collapsed behind us into a heep of smoke and fire.
Releaved to know that the children were safe, the consern for my friend grew in my heart. Where is she? Why would she abandon her child this way? What would cause a mother to be so disconnected with her own flesh and blood? What is to become of this child?
Before my journey to descover the answers, I awoke, realizing it had only been a dream, but it wasn`t far from reality.
Releaved to know that the children were safe, the consern for my friend grew in my heart. Where is she? Why would she abandon her child this way? What would cause a mother to be so disconnected with her own flesh and blood? What is to become of this child?
Before my journey to descover the answers, I awoke, realizing it had only been a dream, but it wasn`t far from reality.
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