The Lost

After Rhys and I had returned home from my first escape, but before The Change, I met Susan. She was friends through work with a friend of mine from college. They met while working at a day care and I remember meeting her for the first time at my friend's house for a sleep over/girl's night kind of thing. She had a daughter close to a year old with big brown eyes and an adventurous spirit, Abigail. At the time, Sue was living with a guy who in my opinion was a really rough and hard to get to know kind of guy. At first, Sue and I didn't hang out much, but we'd gotten to know each other through work as I started working at the day care as well. Things between Sue and her boyfriend were getting a little scary when his friend moved in with them and the two men would go out drinking a lot. Sue was scared for herself and Abi's safety as her boyfriend's friend would get a bit violent so one night, my friend and I decided to stay the night with Sue to keep her company and support... and be on hand to get her and Abi out of there or call the RCMP if needed. That night was long, but thankfully, there was no violent confrontation and no one was harmed. Shortly after that, Sue and her boyfriend broke up and she started work elsewhere and I lost contact with her.
A few months later, after The Change, word reached me that Susan and Abigail were homeless. Sue was staying in a shelter while Abi was in foster care. When I contacted Susan and invited her and Abigail over for dinner, I found out that Abi had been in the hospital for dehydration and other problems. I believe this was sometime in February 2007. After being out of contact for so long and learning of this devastating news, Rhys and I decided to offer Sue and Abi our spare room and a place to live until Susan could support herself and Abi. Sue accepted. Her first night with us, I shared about The Change and explained that I would have been dead had it not been for God in my life. Hearing this, Susan seemed eager to have what I do and asked Christ to be her Lord and Savior that night.
During her stay with us, Susan told me about a pregnancy she had lost while Abi was in the hospital and the father whom she had just found out was happily married with children. We tried our best to support her as she wrote an apology letter to the man's wife and broke the relationship off, releasing him to the destruction he set before himself. It was no doubt a trying time for Susan and Abigail.
I took care of Abigail during the day and acted as chauffeur for Susan as she went to job interviews and started to work. It had been almost 3 years since Rhys and I got married and started waiting for a child from God, but there was nothing... only tears and painful cramps at the end of every cycle. But caring for Abi and helping her mother held the pain of my infertility at bay for a short time and I felt happy whether I had children or not. Abigail was sweet, enjoyed music, playing, coloring, and I enjoyed watching her descover. Susan worked early hours and was able to come home in the afteroon. We had a few house rules for Susan before she agreed to move in, but she didn't respect them during her stay. The first rule was that we expected her home before midnight so we could lock the door. Another rule was that she refrain from being alone with any men in our house. We had also requested that she pay a small rent fee, because our landlord expected the rent to go up if we housed another person in our apartment. In my mind, they were low expectations that were easy to accomplish. In Susan's mind they were not.
I began to realize that Susan would watch as Abi made messes, ignored her needs, and rarely picked her up to cuddle her when she was around Abi. She just didn't seem attached to Abi at all. I also noticed that Abi wouldn't cry seeing her mother leave or get excited to see her return. Abi wasn't connected to her mother.
Susan would meet up with "friends" after work and stay out all night, using our "curfew" as an excuse to stay the night with someone. There were a few times I wasn't even sure if she was coming back. I didn't hear from her for a few days and I was left caring for her daughter.
I loved taking care of Abigail, day and night. She warmed my heart and made me feel needed, which was huge for me at that time as I was looking for purpose in my life. She made sense to me and so my attachment to her began.
Over the course of a few days, Susan got restless and irritated with our rules. She and I did not see eye to eye anymore and Rhys and I were left with no other choice than to tell her to leave and move on. It broke my heart that I lost a friend. I had never expereinced a relationship like this before. No one had ever been so negative towards me before. Lossing contact with Abigail was painful as well. I felt as though I had lost my child in a custody battle and I was doomed to never see her again.